On March 7, 2001, I wrote “Cassie passed her writing test—and called me at the office—filled with tears, joy, and gratitude. She did not know she was helping me think of myself as a teacher again.” When I wrote that, I was both my mother’s caregiver and a literacy specialist. I would not remember that moment without the journal entry.

Two days later I wrote, “This is horrible. B really wants to leave Lourdes’s house and go home, and I have no business taking her. How am I going to get through this? I can see how hard it is for Lourdes to care for her, and she’s only into her third week. It’s been six years for me. I have to rise above these thoughts. Otherwise, I will either be dead or take on the traits of the disease. Neither is acceptable.”

My emotions were all over the place.  My mother had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and I was still reeling from the shock and the clarity that diagnosis brought. I loved my mother and I wanted to help her.

My journal was a lifesaver before and after the diagnosis. It let me vent, analyze, and find hope. It never argued or interrupted. It listened unconditionally, which gave me the space to process events and my reactions to them.

Why should caregivers journal? Writing gives perspective and restores sanity. Writing is a lifeline as well as a record. Writing saves lives. Do not underestimate its power.

What do you do if you have nothing to say?

Look around the room for an image or a sensory detail—the way the sun makes a path on the carpet, the way steam rises off a cup of coffee, carrying the aroma of morning with it. Listen to the high pitched whirring of an omnipresent machine, the tick of the kitchen’s black-and-white, kitty-cat clock—any image at all.

What do you do if you can’t get started? Sentence starts like those listed here can help.

Today I feel…

No one knows I worry about…

I don’t like to brag but…

I lust after…

Next time…

What if…

Pick a sentence start and finish it. Write another sentence. Voila! You are journaling.

Where can you find sentence starts?

There are over 200 in You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers. I wrote the book once I realized how lucky I was to have a journal that helped me process my “stuff.”

You might be thinking that only writers can journal. Wrong! A writer is someone who writes. That can be you.

After she got her copy, Joanne Padley, writer and staff member at the State University of NY at Buffalo said, “What a good idea the book is.  I’m sure it will help me sort things out as well as serving as a good reference book and one day, a good remembrance.”

She’s right. According to Marilyn, who wrote in one of my workshops, “Writing from the heart seems to be all that is needed.”

Want to start right now? Finish the sentence, “Today I feel…” and keep going. Go wherever the writing takes you. Get your story, your nuances, your frustrations, your hopes, and your love on the page. Your story is buried treasure.

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B. Lynn Goodwin is the owner of Writer Advice, www.writeradvice.com and the author of You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers. Order it from Amazon or at http://www.writeradvice.com/ywmtdw.html. You’ll also find more information about journaling, workshops, and the author there.

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I believe it’s important to encourage family caregivers to recognize and celebrate their successes as a caregiver.

I often hear from family caregivers: How can I be successful if every decision I make seems to make my relative absolutely miserable?

Our aging relatives have known tremendous losses. They have watched many friends and family members die. They have experienced incredible physical losses, both in part to the aging process and as a result of illness or disease. They must now rely on others to perform duties and chores they had once done: grocery shopping, driving, cooking. We can only guess at the pain of these losses.

Sometimes, family caregivers can be wonderful targets for our care recipients. care recipients need to express their own frustration and often take it out on the very person who helps them. Help from others is a constant reminder of all that they have lost and all that they will never regain.

More importantly, perhaps what makes you a successful caregiver–finding a good nursing home, or taking a regular vacation–will make your care recipient really unhappy. They took care of you–why can’t you take care of them? Why do they have to go to a nursing home? Or, they can’t take a vacation–why should you? They can’t have fun–why should you?

A care recipient’s unhappiness, depression and anger can dampen your caregiving successes. As you try to maintain a positive attitude, keep this in mind: As a caregiver for an aging relative, you are responsible for ensuring your care recipient is safe and well-cared for. You are also responsible for your own happiness. You can not make any one else happy. It’s impossible. Trying to make someone else happy will only make you miserable.

You, after all, doing the best you can. And, that’s why you are successful.

By Denise M. Brown

Reprinted with permission from Caregiving.com. Caregiving.com helps you
help your aging relatives.

Source: http://www.caregiving.com

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